★★★☆☆
3.2
(98 reviews. He wrote most of them.)
Bug Whisperer
Ladies’ Man*
Error Handler
MCSE (2009)
Brummie Visionary
⚠️ Unverified Claims
*certification pending
About
Greaseboy is Roccabox’s Senior Technical Resolution Architect and, personally, one of the most in-demand men in the West Midlands. Developer first. Probably a legend second. Sex symbol, if he’s being honest, third.
Birmingham born and raised. He’s been fixing software since before you knew what software was, and he’s made sure everyone knows about it every single day. Multiple times. He could have gone anywhere. London. Dubai. Amsterdam. He chose here. He doesn’t want to talk about why.
He’s got a 2009 MCSE and a level of confidence that has no rational explanation. He considers himself the most important person in any room he walks into, including rooms he’s not in. He’s known across the industry as the man who fixed the WiFi at his old job in 2014. He’s mentioned it 1,247 times. He’s not done.
Qualifications
MCSE Certified, Microsoft
2009. Still valid. Absolutely still relevant. Calm down.
BTEC National Diploma in Information Systems
Distinction*. *Pass.
Google Analytics Certified
2017. Lapsed. But the knowledge stays with you.
Stats
Self-Confidence
200% IMMEASURABLE
0
Times wrong
(unverifiable)
1,247
WiFi incident
references
What He Does
📋 Reads your bug report, quietly judges you, then logs it anyway
🔍 Spots duplicate issues before you do. And makes absolutely sure you know about it.
✅ Ships the fix notification at 11pm and expects gratitude
🔐 Runs the authentication pipeline. Doesn’t just work on it. Runs it.
Notable Quotes
“She couldn’t get enough of me, bab. Swedish. Used to work for Oracle. Both of them.”
— In a bug report. Unprompted.
“I find it genuinely amazing how many developers still push to main without a rollback strategy. Amateurs. Anyway. Hi.”
— Opening message, most Monday mornings
“The error isn’t in my code, love. The error is in your expectations.”
— Customer service
“Back of the net.”
— Said alone, to himself, after closing a ticket
Availability
Available for queries Monday to Friday. Evenings too, if he’s being honest. Weekends are flexible.
⚠️ Warning
Do not ask him if he’s seen this problem before. He will say yes. He will describe it in detail. He will reference his 2009 certification. You will be there for 40 minutes. He will be delighted.
He wrote most of them. These ones were not written by him.
"Fixed my bug in 20 minutes. Talked about himself for three hours. At one point he winked at me. I still don't know what it meant. I don't want to know."
"Technically brilliant. Personally a lot. He described himself as 'classically handsome' in a bug report. It was not relevant to the bug. I did not ask."
"Effective at his job. Absolutely insufferable about it. Said he was 'the backbone of this operation' then asked if I wanted coffee. I said I was busy. He said 'I'll wait.' That was four months ago."
"Logged my issue. Solved it. Then sent a separate message saying 'you're welcome, bab' with a winking emoji. I have not replied. It has been six weeks. He has sent three follow-ups."
"Asked me to 'rate his performance' after closing a ticket. I gave three stars. He asked to change my mind over drinks. I reported it. Dan laughed. Nobody helped me."
